Masamang pangitain

Mga ilang araw na ang nakalipas, napanaginipan kong kinasal ka--hindi sa akin kundi sa ibang tao. Pagkagising ko, tila bangungot. May lihim pala akong gusto sa iyo. Naiilang kasi ako dahil magaling ka. Pero kung sakaling mapunta ka sa iba, masama pala ang madarama ko. Humahanga ako sa mga magaganda, sa ngunit mas matindi ang paghanga ko sa mga matatalino. Hindi ko sinasabing hindi ka maganda, pero marahil ganoon na nga. Tiyak lang ako na hindi ka pangit para sa akin. Lihim na pagtingin, iyan ang susing salita. Isa itong palaisipan, tingnan natin kung mayroong makakuha ng sagot. Pwede kayong humingi ng susundan ninyo mula sa akin.

Bastos

Bastos ako. Bastos ako sa dalawang kahulugan ng naturang salita. Tuldok.

Death

I kill and kill myself everyday but I do not die. Is self-hatred too much? I have learned my lesson. Although I explode everyday, or jump into a hole, I just seem to survive. My history has shown the truth. Seven semesters has passed and it seems that I am lucky to pass my biology subjects. I passed all of them, but I attribute most to luck and my skillful guessing. Joel guessed his way through BS Biology. Well, I don't want that to happen anymore. It's not that I don't want to pass; it's just that I want to pass with minimal guessing, especially of the nature which is not intelligent.

So how does the master try to kill himself everyday?
1. Play computer games from dawn till twilight.
2. Waste his time checking the foolish YM if somebody has sent him a message.
3. Check his emails; sees spam.
4. Friendster. Well not anymore for checking out chicks and people. Just checking out who's viewed his profile and views them back not anonymously. He's too lame to switch things on and off which he previously unfailingly did.
5. Always wear the casual crossed face.
6. Does not do his tasks.
7. Stays up late at night; gets to his class or appointment late by as much as one hour.
8. Neglects his room and his soul. Although he does not believe in religion, he thinks that beings have social and psychological needs to be satisfied. The psyche.
9. Eating until or even beyond the point of satiety.
10. Thinks of himself and of other people negatively.
11. Maligning himself, just like in this self-righteous blog.
12. Does not accept with his whole heart that some people are simply better than him.
13. Allowing opportunities to pass him by.
14. Does not realize his full genius, which he believes he has.
15. Feels that his family will always be there to respond to most his needs when rational thinking dictates otherwise.

Autophobia

Afraid. I'm afraid of myself. I'm afraid of myself for other people's sake. I consider myself freaky, as from what I think how other people see me. Why freaky?
1. I consciously and unconsciously stalk people. This means that this activity of mine could be deliberate or not. Why do I do it? I like working from the back, from the shadows. I don't like too much light. Too much light is going to be glaring. My eyesight is poor but I don't like being blinded more by more light.
2. I am anti-social. I hate crowds. Most often than not, I get overtaken by the newcomer who's also a better speaker and conversationalist. I can connect only with a limited number of people. I can't keep a good conversation going. I always feel the pressure to open up to others but instead of going up to the challenge, I retreat to the sides or corners, alone and sad.
3. I am an idealist. I live in fantasy worlds, not in this real world more of my time. Although I know the truths, I am vulnerable to believe the make believes.
4. I am a slacker. I wait for the last available time before I take action.
5. I am a fatalist. I am always near death but I don't die.