Thinking of you and me

I am just but a footnote to your story
I have never taken the chance
I have never left my comfort zone
All I have done is to work from the shadows
I do not know why I keep on pretending
I live each day of my life as if everything is great
When in fact nothing makes sense anymore
Why have I borne much pain?
For sure, I do not enjoy my sadness
Is my sorrow my way of reason?
Of false views?
If I am to endure this apathy, until when?
If this is not forever, then when is the end?
Certainly, my patience is not reliable
It is short
I am easy to get angry
To get discouraged
Life's meaning has long left me
Ever since the day I do not remember when
Does it matter?
Does my story matter to you?
For one, I do not think I am your friend
We are not close
Thus, we are also not open to one another
It is not the case that one of us confided to the other
Why do I fall back to the recesses of my failures
I do not have laurels on which I can rest on
On which I may fall back
So when I fall, I fall great depths and fall badly
Why do I act as if I am a god
When I am even lower than an angel?
Surely I have my insecurities
Which I do not think I'll ever supersede
Because of my misplaced priorities
I do not think much of what matters
But I think very well of things which are trivial
So it may well be because of my poor decision-making
Is this due to my not-so-fortunate yet not-so-unfortunate status?
Maybe
But why am I ashamed of my poverty?
Is wealth limited to what is material?
Are immaterial entities really unimportant?
Why have I allowed myself to become so corrupted
As to let myself be lost?
Why does it seem that evil comforts better than good?
Why does everything seem to fall apart, almost?
Maybe I have lost my heart
Maybe I demoted it to being a circulatory organ, nothing more
And does playing games soothe me?
No, yes but temporarily
A problem cannot and will not be solved by indirect solutions
Just as placebo effect does not work
Where does faith come in?
Can it be conveniently tucked in and be called upon only in times of need?
What has become of me?
Is this one of ill effects of living in the modern times?
I think that is trade-off is not beneficial at all
It may be better to forgo the advances for the sake of virtuous values
It is true that we fix our eyes upon things which really do not matter
Are we this pitiful?
Yes, we are all indeed victims of this
We do all suffer