Conversations with Self

1.11.11

Today, I launch this sub-blog, Conversations with Self. This is an exercise of consciousness. Everyday, I'll be reading and reflecting own my daily biorhythm reading of the day. I'll also evaluate recent happenings on my life; none of this will be written here. I'll write on things which amused me today. Let this life be a collection of treats and amusements. Increasing awareness.

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Your mental perception is sharp today, and you find it easy to think and memorize. You are filled with unexpected, progressive ideas, but today is not the best day to implement them. Instead, do research, plan, and think carefully through your next steps. Knowledge and information that you receive today will remain with you for a long time, and you will be able to draw upon this in the future.

Physical state: Positive

Emotional state: Negative

Intellectual state: Positive

Intuitive state: Negative

Emotional minimum

The emotional minimum is characterized by a decrease in desires and a tendency toward depression, apathy, and irritability (usually women are more strongly affected). This is a difficult period for creative people, due to feelings of apathy. For the same reason, this period is not conducive to love.

Nursery

I am currently sub-rotating at Nursery Charity, better known as NCHA. I am grateful to my batch mate Jeff for making a good endorsement. It was generally overwhelming because of the many new things, especially the fast-paced action whenever there was an imminent waiting pregnancy at hand. Even though it was such, I can confidently say that I was able to get used to it quickly.

My patient on deck at Pediatrics Ward died. Rest in peace, please. But wait. I wonder I those who die really end. As in do nothing. Are we really our bodies or is there something more? I believe there is. So instead of saying, "Rest in peace.", I think it's much more appropriate to say, "Have fun!"

I will stay today until I have had made my patient Baby Boy S. (12/16/2010) his running Pediatrics DS. It's better to be sure, isn't it? I owe myself, my family, and all of creation to offer my very best, as possible, without detriment to my personal well-being. Nothing is hard if you like it and I do like it. My motivation to make a running DS of Baby Boy S.: "Bye, bye, back to home as soon as possible. I believe it is best for the baby and mother and the rest of the family's well-being." Also, expenses would be minimized; resources optimized. =p

Act normal...I believe I don't have to act anymore. The play is over; life's resumed. What if the game that really matters is the lives were are all living right now? Then this only means that we do have to strive hard to do our very best, each and every time. What I do each and every time is the best, regardless of the standards of others or of the society.

I love myself, I really do. And with this follows, flows naturally, the love I have for all creation. I need not study know more about Love. I am Love. I am. Stop thinking, keep on doing. With the heart I have...The heart I have is enough guide to pull me through.

Self-Respect

It's high time that I paid myself the long overdue self-respect that it deserves. I backed-off from the role of 'the typical Joel', the Joel according to my group mates for the incoming UERMMMC House Staff 2010 on December 17, 2010. An individual is dynamic, ever-changing. It was unfair that I was already judged, being given the role as mentioned. I was torn being continuing with the role and backing out; I backed out.

I am currently reading Nelsons - Body Fluids and Electrolytes. It has been worthwhile. I discovered that it is not really that complicated. I don't have to fully understand everything I read during the first time I read it. I just have to keep on reading so as to reinforce my initial interest. I am looking forward to continue learning about very important and basic things in Medicine. Thinking and over-analyzing may have gotten the better of me. Goals should only serve as guides, and not cause undue obsession and/or compulsion.

This is my last duty day in Pediatrics Service Wards. The sub-rotation is generally feel good. All of the patients improved. We admit patients, treat, and monitor them. We help them cure themselves and send them home as happy kids. I am grateful for having been given the opportunity to aid them in their journey towards consciousness. Till we meet (if ever we meet) again. They seem like angels that busy themselves in their little affairs/games. I hope that they remain childlike, that they keep on dreaming and fulfill their owns dreams, however big these may seem compared to their currently small bodies.

I love and let go. I love and let go. I love and let go. Is it bad to be selfish? Language is a faculty of man and yet do him disservice at times. Some words are best to have never been created. I let go. I let go. I let go. I love you. I love you. I love you. We feel it both. We feel it both. We feel it both. I'm with you. I'm with you. I'm with you. We are one. We are one. We are one. I close my eyes. I close my eyes. I close my eyes. And I see. And I see. And I see. All that is. All that is. All that is.

Blogger's Rebirth

Yes. I'm back! I plan to quit making posts on Facebook just because it takes so much of my time and energy. I fully understand what I am giving up in the hope achieving something greater, larger than myself. Having a regularly updated blog appears to be more therapeutic than making those varied Facebook status messages.

So where is Joel right now?
> I'm still here, living in the only true time, the now. I am currently a clinical clerk at UERMMMC, rotating at Pediatrics. I am planning to take up Internal Medicine/Family Medicine/Community Medicine as my specialization. I still very much would like to pursue teaching and research studies.

Love life?
> I'm still very much in love with the world. I will act on the love that I have. I will have a girlfriend, or at least date in the next 3 months. I still have a crush on ER but I am no longer crazy about her, as in 'in love with love'. I came upon the realization that love manifests more if the one who's loving loves the Self first.

Studies?
> I plan on taking up my Internship at either Fort Bonifacio or Villamor Airbase. The foundation/fundamentals of medical knowledge is so important that it cannot be overlooked. I let go of the past and face what is now in front of me. I still have plans of topping the medical board examinations in August 2012. If you ask me, 'Why?', then I'll reply, 'Why not?'

Beliefs
> Beliefs are powerful. For a period of time, I tried to live without any beliefs. I then realized that it was wrong, better yet counterproductive in that I was letting go of using such a powerful faculty/ability. These are what I chose to believe in: Love, Truth

Nearing the end

Today is currently the second to the last day of my 2-month, roller-coaster Internal Medicine rotation. I am more or less the same person, well, at least still single...=p But seriously, I still like her; although I can say that I am much more relaxed. Love comes if it comes, but if it doesn't, life still goes on. I have given up all expectations with respect to other people. All I am sure about is myself. Am I afraid of being hurt? Hell, yeah! But I can't keep on being afraid. The heart of communication is being there where the other person is, wherever you actually you may be. I can very well say goodbye to my attitude of pleasing other people at my expense. Desires, wants, and needs just seem never to end. The fate of those who readily bow to the whims of others is despair. I am a young, healthy male, fully capable of having healthy, bright, vibrant, and playful children. I can't just throw away happiness for those who don't even care about me. Currently, my battle cry is "I have every fuckin' right to manifest." And if goodness is to manifest, what is there to be afraid of?

My immediate plans are as follows:
1. Enjoy myself by abandoning my conveniences in the dream of achieving something, that which approximates the true, the beautiful, and the wonderful.
2. Love all animals; even those people who behave like animals. (No offense to real-world animals.

My short-term plans are as follows:
1. Eat as a pure raw vegan.
2. Start daily 15-minute meditation TODAY while arousing and qHS.
3. Sleep for at least 3-5 hours a day; sleep by 9 PM. Set alarm clock at 1 AM.
4. Go to the neighborhood gym whenever I am not in a "Duty Status".
5. Clean room for at least 30 minutes.
6. Delete all needless files.
7. Have a medical topic to read about and ACTUALLY read about it.
8. Hold on to my principles each and every time.

My long-term plans are as follows:
1. Meet the love of my life again.
2. Realize my dreams of becoming the transplantation surgeon.
3. Research and publish in an international peer-reviewed journal.