Next big dream: Realization

I have to realize the things which have been planned. Discipline, perseverance, and passion. I will attend and achieve them all. Nothing is impossible. Impossible is nothing. If you put your mind into it, it can be achieve. But I shouldn't forget both the people out there and in my heart. For without you I am not I. For with you I am made complete. Thank you for your guidance, thank you for the love you have given to me. My body aches. I feel destroyed yet I am not obliterated. I am whole because of you.

Sensing sense in nonsense

Is it possible to sense sense in no sense? Before, it was very much unthinkable for me. But now, it makes sense. It is not that it doesn't have any sense at all. It does have sense. My mind was just floating around that I failed to discover it right away. Now, I even love the feeling. I love to search for the true meaning of those things which do not make sense, initially. Like love and God, it has deeper meaning, therefore needs more inspiration and comprehension.

Frustrated scientist?

My thinking of what my future wife will tell to the young Joel Duque:

Are you among the many science majors opting to shift out of your presumably chosen course? Specifically, are you a depressed Bachelor of Science in Biology student? Don't fret. Most of all don't lose hope. I am here. We are here. We'll help you go on. We'll help you get through. Crazy? Nah, that's just not true. Look at your potentialities. You are what you are. If only you'll use one-percent of your intelligence, you'll make it. You'll make it happen. We are here for each other. I love you. You love me. We love each other. We are for one another. Can't you see the reality that's unfolding? Oh, just you wait there. Just hang on for I am coming!

Logic of good and bad acts

A first degree connection is good (positive).
A second degree connection is bad (negative).
A good act is a proper subset of the good.
A bad act is a proper subset of the bad.
The bad is the negation of the good.
The good is the negation of the bad.

Note this relationship:

good act--the good--the bad--bad act

let O = good act
G = the good
B = the bad
A = bad act

All G are O.
All A are B.

On Genetics

I will ace Genetics!

My Inspiration

My Inspiration
is not a person
not an animal
nor a plant

I live for excellence
So that I could commence
my great desire
that Thou require

Enough is naught
enough for thought
Not to be known
Better unknown

Forgetting

Oh! How can I forget someone who somehow shaped my tender college days? I don't want to let go of her. Even if she's not near me, I still hold on to the memory she left me. I think, it's not about my inability to let go. It's much more than that. It's about having an infatuation over someone who's physically attractive and presumably intelligent and wonderful mysterious and everything else. I'm terribly sorry for having offended you. I know I don't deserve your friendship. I utterly betrayed your trust. I wish to make it up to you. Unfortunately, I don't have the guts to do so. I believe that it will just complicate things. Maybe I'm just looking for the right opportunity to confess my sins personally to you. We aren't close enough to each other so that's why I unilaterally decided to call it quits. That is all I have to say to you. Wait! No. Let me correct myself. That is all that's left I can say to you which is honorable. I wish you could forgive me. And so I ask for your forgiveness.

My sins against you:
- online stalking
- gathering data about you, some of which are personal
- getting your mobile phone number
- fantasizing about you
- 'impersonating' you
- trying to destroy your name, relationships
- making you do things which you don't want to do

Pag-aaral

"Wala kang kwentang anak." 'Yan ang sabi sa aking ng aking ina. Dagdag pa niya, "Bakit puro bagsak na naman ang iyong mga grado sa bayoloji? Siguro puro pagbubulakbol ang inaatupag mo. Kung ako sa iyo, uunahin ko ang pag-aaral. Walang mabuting idudulot sa iyo ang iba-iba mong mga bisyo: barkada, frat, babae, alak, at sugal." Iyon na siguro ang huli kong narinig mula sa kanya. Dahil sa kalaliman ng gabi noong araw na iyon, ako ay nag-istokwa.

Lumipas ang maraming panahon. Isa na ako ngayong puto. Puto--isang lalaking puta. Isang putong partner ng dinuguan sa bawat handaan. Nagbebenta ng panandaliang aliw sa mga matrona at baklang nag-uumapaw ang libog. Kung dati, makikita niyo ako araw-araw sa Commonwealth Avenue bago ako pumasok sa eskwela, ngayon, naroon pa rin ako--hindi nga lang para sumakay ng dyip tungong UP Diliman. Ngayon, naroon ako gabi-gabi upang mag-abang ng mga madatong na mga anino, maging bata man o gurang.

Grabe, ang lungkot na ng buhay ko. Sawang-sawa na ako sa pansit na gabi-gabi ko na lamang kinakain. Buti pa noong bata ako, pinagluluto ako ng mahal kong nanay ng bulalo. Ngayon, tila ako ang pumalit sa kinatay na bulalo. Ako ang nakalubog sa kumukulong mantika upang tikman, lamunin at parausan ng mga walang magawa. Ngayon, nagsisi ako. Tama nga si inang. Dapat nagtiyaga ako sa aking pag-aaral. Ngayon, wala na sa akin ang panahon. Ngayon, may malalang sakit ako; mayroon akong AIDS. Idaan ko man sa iyak ang lahat, wala ng natitira pang pang pag-asa sa aking pagiging lugmok.

Kaya kung ako sa inyo, mag-aral na kayo. Tama ang kasabihang "Nasa huli ang pagsisi." Maniwala kayo sa akin: Hindi niyo kailangang maranasan ang mismong bagay upang iwasan niyo ang kamalasang nangyari sa akin. Mag-aral kayong matiwasay.

Paghanga

Nagsimula ang lahat
Sa isang simpleng paghanga
Doon na nga lang ba magtatapos
Ang ating sinimulang kwento?

Hindi ko alam
Ang alam ko
Hindi pa kita ganoon kamahal
Hindi pa kasi kita kilala.

Napakalaking pag-aalinlangan
Ang aking nadarama
Ang pag-iisip ko ay gulung-gulo
Simula nang ika'y dumating.

Bigyan mo sana ako ng pagkakataong
Makapag-isip kung ano talaga ito
Hindi lang kasi kagandahan
Ang hinahanap ko sa mga kauri mo.

Kokology

Want to 'discover' the real you? If so, I dare you to read Tadahiko Nagao and Isamu Saito's Kokology!

Kokology: The Game of Self-Discovery
by Tadahiko Nagao

ISBN: 0684871483 Subtitle: The Game of Self-Discovery Translator: Ishizuki, Makoto Author: Saito, Isamu Author: Sipp, Douglas Publisher: Fireside Books Subject: Applied Psychology Subject: Psychology Subject: General Subject: Personality Subject: General Body, Mind and Spirit Series Volume: 00053 Publication Date: October 2000 Binding: Paperback Language: English Illustrations: Yes Pages: 176 Dimensions: 7.10x5.02x.41 in. .35 lbs.

Publisher Comments:

Introducing Kokology -- the fascinating,
addictive pop-psych quiz game that
reveals the surprising real you

Created by a famous Japanese psychologist, kokology is the study of kokoro ("mind" or "spirit" in Japanese). Based on sound psychological principles, Kokology asks you to answer questions about seemingly innocent topics -- such as the color of an imaginary bird that has flown in your window -- and then reveals what your answers say about you. Kokology offers a unique approach to self-discovery and, when played with others, can provide hilarious insight into the you that they never knew.

Synopsis:
This fascinating, addictive, do-it-yourself psychoanalysis quiz book uses creative visualization to reveal hidden attitudes toward sex, family, love, work, and more. Illustrations.

Synopsis:

Introducing Kokology -- the fascinating,
addictive pop-psych quiz game that
reveals the surprising real you

Created by a famous Japanese psychologist, kokology is the study of kokoro ("mind" or "spirit" in Japanese). Based on sound psychological principles, Kokology asks you to answer questions about seemingly innocent topics -- such as the color of an imaginary bird that has flown in your window -- and then reveals what your answers say about you. Kokology offers a unique approach to self-discovery and, when played with others, can provide hilarious insight into the you that they never knew.

Isamu Saito, a renowned professor at Rissho University in Japan, is the author of a number of bestselling books on psychology and relationships. He created kokology.

Contents

Kokology 101
A Word from Professor Saito
Playing the Game
A Desert Journey
The Blue Bird
A Night at the Symphony
On Your Birthday...
Pictures at an Exhibition
Deep in the Mountains
The Forgotten Wallet
Blue Coat, Yellow Coat
Written in the Stars
Sweet Memories
The Ride of Your Life
You're Only Human
Abracadabra, Ala-Kazam
In the Pages of a Magazine
Under a Clear Blue Sky
Into the Depths
In the Bag
Cinderella Story
(Not So) Happily Ever After
Untamed
Midnight Caller
Whale Watching
Blowing Your Own Horn
Planting the Seeds
The Stolen Berries
Caught in the Rain
Adrift on the Breeze
Bare Necessities
Something's Fishy
Welcome to My Parlor
You Be the Judge
Whispers in the Darkness
The Big Blowup
In Business for Yourself
Before They Hatch
Hung Out to Dry
Like a Monkey in a Cage
The Greatest Mystery
A True Adventure
Monster!
The Labyrinth
Empty Inside
Circle, Triangle, Square
Doctor You
Ready to Rumble
Judging By Its Cover
Busted!
Driving Machine
Just Can't Wait
On Second Thought...
The Doctor Will See You Now
Spreading Your Wings
All the World's a Stage

note: I read the book completely.
source: http://www.powells.com/cgi-bin/biblio?inkey=1-0684871483-5
accessed: 18 February 2005, Friday, 4:59 P.M.

Say what you want

Say what you want
I don't care what they'll say
Fuck you, world
World, fuck you

No foul language please
I'm too sorry
I meant it
Undeniably

I'm a trying-hard
So what
I just hate
Seeing me this way

Why do I try
To put down myself
Why do I force
My baculum on her

Yes, this is erotic
This is sexy
Earth has lost its radiance
Twisting without reason

Hey, mister bitter
Why are you a master baiter
I love this game
Of eternal trial

Kiss me on the cheeks
Not on the lips
Cause I don't want
Any of your saliva

You purposely decimated
My delighted emotions
I am so selfish
This is so like me

Write, just write
Don't mind them
They may not understand
So what!

Propriety

We are not right for one another
I don't deserve you
You don't deserve me
We don't deserve each other

The time for lovin' has passed
Nothing can bring it back
Sorries are useless
I feel pathetic

I know it doesn't seem right
Nevertheless
Both of us should consider
Cooling off separately

It wasn't love after all
It's just premature attraction
Yes, you are beautiful
But that's just not enough

We failed to know more
About one's likes and dislikes
I humbly accept you
I accept you as you are

Hope we can remain friends
Hope that nothing'll change
Let's see whatever tomorrow
May bring about our life/lives